McDonald's new Diet Shakes

Every so often I forget myself and give McDonalds some of my hard-won sheckles for some salt and fat sculpted into the shape of real food (but never as real as it looks in the ads). So this time I decided we'd just get milkshakes. They'd have a hard time screwing those up, right? So even though I order Smalls for me and the boys, we get Mediums (which are probably called Mega-Larges, because there's no Small in the hierarchy of portions at McD's), but I pay for them anyway, because I've waited so long in line that I'm about to run out of gas.

But ho! What is this? The milkshakes, which are delivered in cups, with lids and straws, cannot be consumed through straws, because they are Triple Thick, as if that's a good thing for a straw-based beverage/caulk. My youngest tries valiantly for several minutes, and to keep him from crying I offer to "warm it up in my hands", but after 30 minutes of groping it is still not appreciably less viscous. My older son, who by now has been sucking on his shake so hard that all his teeth point toward his uvula, finally gives up, noting that his vanilla shake tasted like strawberry anyway. The microscopic success I had with my chocolate shake/fix-a-flat wasn't especially chocolately, either, but more of a "hey check it out, Lester, if we mix these 7 chemicals together it kind of has a mildly chocolate after-taste" kind of taste.

But hey, at least they only cost 1.5 hours of minimum wage. Grade: F